Charleyworld

Is it okay to beg for Twitter followers?

Charles Memminger — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 11:00:52 +0000

One thing I never thought I'd suffer from was Twitter Follower Envy. Mainly because for 99 percent of my time on Earth, Twitter wasn't even around. Then, when I found out about it I went for a year or so trying to figure out what it was all about. I never did. But I knew that if you didn't join Twitter, you weren't cool. I'm still not cool. But I do Tweet, mainly about this blog, which I think is a violation of Twitter protocol of some sort. There are all kinds of unspoken and sometimes very often spoken rules by Twitterers. You aren't supposed to promote products and try to make money Twittering. If you do, people send angry Tweets to you calling you names. Since I don't get paid for blogging, I don't think I'm violating that rule.

But I have been sucked into the matter of followers. Followers follow your Tweets. The more followers you have, the more popular you are in the the alternate reality of Twitter World, I suppose. I'm not doing real good but not real bad, either. I've almost got 1,000 followers. I only need about nine more to break the 1,000 barrier. So, if you are reading this and aren't bothered by people who beg for followers, go on Twitter and look me up @CharleyMemm. Be my follower.

I'm actually following a lot more people than follow me. I figure that's just good manners. But not everyone does that. I noticed Andrea Mitchell on MSNBC begging people to Tweet her the other day. I did. Found out she's got only 3,868 followers. That doesn't seem like much for a national news anchor. But the weird thing is she is only following 25 people. How rude! That situation apparently isn't limited just to Democrats. Rush Limbaugh has more than 56,000 followers on Twitter and he doesn't follow ANYONE.

Locally, politicians and celebrities do better. Andy Bumatai has a huge following, 13,510 and he follows 13,601. City Prosecutor Peter Carlisle, who is running for mayor, has only 1,800 followers but to his credit, he's following more than 2,000. Neil Abercrombie, who is running for governor, has 5,685 followers but is following more than 6,000. Maybe people in Hawaii are just better followers than Twitterers in other states.

By the way, Neil, Andy and Peter .. if you've got any followers to spare, send them my way.

---------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

Do you want to advertise on TV but think it's too expensive? Think again. Charley will make a custom designed, funny, quirky, entertaining commercial for you to run on KHON 2 TV at an affordable cost. Just email him for details.

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!

Makani Mongoose didn't see his shadow this year: Four more weeks of Mauka Showers!

Charles Memminger — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:50:51 +0000

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:

Charleyworld (The Column) from Honolulu Advertiser, Sunday, Feb. 7, 2010.

By Charles Memminger

That over-rated rodent Punxsutawney Phil popped his over-exposed head out of a fake tree stump last week and saw his shadow, which - according to people who predict weather based on large beaver-like creatures - means several more weeks of winter weather. I suspect he didn't didn’t come out his hole to see his shadow but to see his Hollywood agent to pester him about when a sequel to the movie "Groundhog Day" would be made. (Bad news, Punx, after reliving the same day over and over and over, your acting career went into the toilet an infinite number of times … sorry … blame quantum physics.)
I would have loved to see Al Gore’s reaction to Punx Phil (if I keep trying to spell “Punxsutawney” bad things are going to happen) predicting six more weeks of winter. (“Damn! When is it ever going to stop snowing? That muskrat just cut my Global Warming speaking fees in half!”)
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) issued a plea that the live groundhog Punx be replaced with a robotic one. That really happened. PETA wants an automatonic groundhog to pop up like something from the “Porcupines of the Caribbean” exhibit at Disneyworld and make weather predictions. I wouldn’t be surprised if Al Gore was behind that. With the real Punx gone, Gore could program the mechanical creature to say things like, “Man, is it hot out here or is it just me?” and “Hey, where’s all the polar bears at?”
In Hawaii, we don't use groundhogs, rats, beavers or badgers to predict our weather because they are notoriously unreliable. We use mongooses. With their long snouts and cunning beady eyes, mongooses can predict all kinds of things, not just the weather.
About the time Punx was embarrassing himself in Pennsylvania, Makani da Mongoose poked his head out of storm drain Kakaako and saw a gecko, meaning that Hawaii will get seven more weeks of mauka showers, vog and high gas prices.
If Makani had seen a cockroach instead of a gecko, it would have meant four days of heavy snow in Kalihi. So we were lucky there. If he had seen a 1982 light brown Honda Civic it would have meant five more weeks Toyota recalls. And if he had seen his own shadow … well, let’s just be thankful he didn’t see his shadow. When a mongoose sees his own shadow on the second day of February … that’s extraordinarily bad juju. Nostradamus ain’t in it.
It’s too bad no TV crew is ever on hand to catch Makani da Mongoose poking his head out of the storm drain. He could be famous; Star in his own movie, “Mongoose Day,” where Bill Murray has to relive every day until he finally tips over a rubbish can and eats a five-day-old plate lunch.

---------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!

Gov. Cayetano's autobiography is a must read

Charles Memminger — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:33:41 +0000

I'm finally getting around to last year's summer reading. The book that surprised me the most is "Ben - A Memoir, from Street Kid to Governor" by Ben Cayetano. I don't know what I expected, maybe a boring tome about state politics. It is about state politics, but it is far from boring. And it is an important book. It fills in much needed background about the way politics is played in Hawaii, how people come to run for office and how, sadly, a lot of people abuse that office when they get there.

Because I did a lot of investigative reporting on Bishop Estate and Kamehameha Schools years before the famous "Broken Trust" treatise exposed the blatant corruption of the country's richest charitable trust, I was fascinated to learn in Cayetano's book what happened behind the scenes that eventually led to the Bishop Estate trustees being forced out of office. I think history will show that Cayetano, by ordering his attorney general, Margery Bronster, to investigate the politically powerful estate, rescued one of the country's finest educational and charitable institutions from the brink of destruction.

Bishop Estate had managed to co-opt all of the regulatory mechanisms that had been set in place to oversee charitable trusts. It corrupted the state Supreme Court by arranging to have the Chief Justice of the high court essentially appoint himself a trustee. It bullied the state probate court into turning a blind eye to its various economic conflicts and double dealing by trustees. Through its power in state government, thanks in part to having the former speaker of the House AND the president of the state Senate on the board of trustees, it kept the state Attorney General's office (before Cayetano took office) from exercising its duty as legal "parent" of all public trusts. And, most sadly, it hoodwinked the Hawaiian community, playing on its ethnic loyalty, into believing the estate was acting honorably while trustees were looting the estate and putting this grand charitable legacy into jeopardy. By the time Cayetano set about putting Bishop Estate's house in order, the IRS was already closing in, ready to revoke the estate's tax exempt status, which would have destroyed the estate and put the future educational opportunities of thousands of young Hawaiians in danger.

It's hard to imagine the kind of guts it took for Cayetano to stand up to the political and judicial establishment, including aggressively prosecuting former political allies and personal friends. Like I said, I believe the people of Hawaii eventually will look back on the Cayetano era with pride and awe.

There's a lot more in the book that makes it a great read. If you haven't finished you summer reading from last year, I highly recommend it. You can order it here on Amazon or from Watermark Publishing. (Personal disclosure: Watermark also published my book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" We don't know how history will deal with "Hey, Waiter!")

---------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!

Thanks to all who made "Astounding Honolulu" magazine piece astounding!

Charles Memminger — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 19:11:05 +0000

As I pointed out in a recent item, my article on "Astounding Honolulu" is the cover story this month in Honolulu Magazine. If it's not on the shelves now it should be soon. It's also online. But since I want you to go out and buy the magazine, I'm not going to tell where to find it online. (A clever reader probably could guess it's located at honolulumagazine.com or something.)

Anyway, in the piece I point out that in order to collect the large number of weird and little known facts about Honolulu, I had to use a lot of different sources and depend on the kindness of a lot of good people. As I put it, "A project of this scope is necessarily subjective, elective, derivative and certainly not definitive."

But I do think some of the contributors deserve your attention, especially Bob Sigall, whose books "The Companies We Keep" and "The Companies We Keep 2" and his suggestions were a great help to me. The books contain amazing things about just about every local company in Honolulu like why Lex Brodie says "Thank you very much" in his TV commercials (hint: it has something to do with a rude boy to whom Lex once gave a bumper sticker of his caveman making a stone wheel) and how Tripler Hospital came to be painted pink. The books were the result of a graduate level marketing class Sigall taught at Hawaii Pacific University in which he used something like 150 students and contributors to do the research on all the companies in the books. It was an amazing effort and the books are an important - and entertaining - piece of Hawaii history. You can buy the books at Sigall's website (click ) "The Companies We Keep" or on Amazon.com.

While I'm thanking people, I should thank KSSK radio jock Michael W. Perry for putting me in touch with Bob Sigall; Michael Van Dorn, who contributed the story about and a photo of John Walbert, the first guy to hang glide off the Waimanalo cliffs; the Hawaiian Humane Society, which offered some amusing animal tales; HPD officer Eddie Croom, who runs the HPD Police Museum which holds some very cool stuff; legendary surfer Gerry Lopez who told me about his first surfing experience at 10 years old; Federal Judge Sam King, who shared with me an interesting tale of one of his most unique trials (can something be "most unique"?); and Nedra Chung, a colorful Realtor with great stories of Honolulu.

I thank them all and all the ones I'm probably leaving out. Get the magazine.

---------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!

you'll be, well, astounded.

I was right .. KSM trial won't go in New York City

Charles Memminger — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 18:57:49 +0000

Back in November I predicted that the trial of the architect of the 911 bombings, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, would not take place in New York City. It's beginning to look like I was right but maybe for the wrong reason.I suggested the lawyers for the sheikh would ask for a change of venue because there's no way that he could get a fair trial just blocks from where the twin towers went down. I had neglected to realize that KSM (that's what they call him now because, like Kentucky Fried Chicken, it's easier to spell) actually would be looking forward to having his trial in Manhattan so he could turn the proceedings into a publicity coup for al Qaida. So now that KSM is more or less saying "don't throw me in that briar patch!" the Mayor of New York and other political figures are saying move the trial somewhere else. Some of them are not so much interested in the safety concerns of having a trial of this length and magnitude in the heart of the biggest business district in the world, but what it would do to traffic and how much it could cost ($200 million a year!).

So, it will be moved. But to where? I still think Hawaii should offer up the Convention Center as nice trial venue. We could use a $200 million stimulus. And god knows the tourists aren't using the thing. (And we're used to bad traffic.)

The location of the trial for KFC, I mean, KSM might become moot anyway. There's still a chance, as I did point out in November, that charges will be thrown out. If you try someone in American federal courts there are rules, like defendants can't have been tortured, they have to be tried by a jury of their peers and they are given the presumption of innocence until proven guilty. President Obama, through his press spokesman, just the other day proclaimed that KSM will be not only convicted but exterminated, I mean, executed. So much for the presumption of innocence. When the president of the United States says you're going to be convicted and put to death ... hmmmm, I think that infringes on your right to a fair trial.

But that's what happens when enemy combatants who have declared war on the US are given the Constitutional rights of U.S. citizens instead of being tried in a military court as they should be.

TO SEE MY ORIGINAL BLOG ON KSM, CLICK HERE.

---------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!

Hawaii Wins Second Place For State With Prettiest People Behind State That Isn't Even A State

Charles Memminger — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 18:16:51 +0000

John McCartney, who is somehow associated with the Internet blogging site "The Daily Beast", alerted me to a research project the site just completed to find the state rated best for "overall beauty." They weren't talking beauty such as mountains, beaches, coconut trees, etc. They wanted to identify the states with the prettiest people. I know, it's silly. But we engage in a lot of silliness in Charleyworld all the time so I'm good with it. I'm not so good with the results.

After reviewing many criteria, from which states have had the most Miss Americas to which states, I suppose, have the most residents who sit on dilapidated front porches playing banjos ... The Daily Beast found that the state with the best looking people was .... wait for it ... wait for it ... DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA! Yes! The winner off the prettiest state isn't even a state.

Second place went to Hawaii, which, since it's an actual state, I guess makes it the state with the prettiest people in country. But to suggest that Hawaii come in second to the District of Columbia in ANYTHING (well, anything other than "Most Attractive Gun Shot Wounds" or "Prettiest Indicted Congressmen") is an outrage. Third place went' to California and fourth to Connecticut. Connecticut beat out Florida for prettiest people? Go figure. I wouldn't be surprised if the "state" of Guam finished in the top ten.

Anyway, thanks for the recognition Daily Beast. You notice President Obama chose to vacation in Hawaii, not the State of Columbia or Connecticut. The man has good taste.

To see the complete run down on the Pretties State (District, Provence, City Block) Project just click here: Daily Beast.

----------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!

United Nations Marching Band Plays While Haitians Lay Burried

Charles Memminger — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 11:00:16 +0000

In Case You Missed It:

Charleyworld (The Column) from Honolulu Advertiser, Sunday, Jan. 31

By Charles Memminger

Two of the most inspiring scenes on TV from earthquake ravaged Haiti had to be the United Nations marching band practicing while victims of the quake still lay under piles of rubble just feet away and UN aid workers throwing boxes of food and water back into a panel truck and fleeing back to the warehouse because the hungry and thirsty Haitians were becoming bothersome. I’m not even kidding. That actually happened. I didn’t even know the UN had its own marching band.

But seeing the UN in action (or inaction) warmed my heart and made me think about other great moments in United Nations history.

- 1945: First UN General Assembly meeting. Fifty-one nations met for 17 hours to decide what to have for lunch.

- 1946: Confusing its charter with that of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences, UN declares “It’s A Wonderful Life” Best Picture of the Year.

- 1947: Trygve Lie of Norway becomes first Secretary-General (True!), followed in turn by Fredrick Von Fib of Austria, Percival Prevaricator of Sweden andWendell Whopper of Ecuador (not so true).

- 1948: First UN mission established in Palestine. Peace reigns thereafter in Middle East.

- 1949: Cornerstone for construction of United Nations Headquarters inadvertently laid in Agana, Guam.

- 1954: UN Marching Band wins Nobel Peace Prize for entertaining European refugees.

- 1963: In first emergency special session, UN Security Council votes arms embargo against the Salvation Army.

- 1967: UN General Assembly re-declares peace in the Middle East. Calls Six Day War “a tie.”

- 1970: UN eliminates global racial discrimination.

- 1972: Due to a typo in transcription, the First UN Environmental Conference votes to fight “global worming.”

- 1977: UN Security Council votes arms embargo against Morristown, New Jersey.

- 1981: To hearty laughter, UN General Assembly announces Declaration on the Elimination of All Forms of Intolerance and Discrimination Based on Religion or Belief.

- 1982: UN’s new Convention of the Law of the Chicken of the Sea signed by 17 nations and the Van Camp Seafood Co.

- 1982: UN security council votes arms embargo against Antarctica.

- 1985: In Nairobi, UN holds first “Conference on Women” at the Club Hubba Hubba. All male General Assembly votes to hold similar conferences on women monthly.

- 1992: First UN Conference on Environment and Development, dubbed the “Earth Summit,” held in Morristown, New Jersey, the largest governmental gathering in the history of Morristown, New Jersey. Attendees pass “Agenda 21” which states: “Next year invite those chicks from Nairobi.”

- 1994: Due to a global “Boutros” shortage,” UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros-Ghali agrees to shorten his name to just Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

- 1996: After days of acrimonious debate, General Assembly votes that the color of UN Peacekeeper helmets will be “Sky Blue” instead of “Baby Blue” or “Azure Mist.”

- UN Marching Band receives $10 billion donation from United States, invades Monaco.

----------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!

TGIF: Wags Pay Homage to Our Favorite Working Day

Charles Memminger — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 19:05:15 +0000

It's Friday. Thank God. In honor of our favorite non-weekend day of the week, I offer up these observations about Friday that I cleverly took into custody from the Internet:

* I always give %100 percent at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26 % Wednesday, 35% Thursday and 4% Friday.

* Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday.

* Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. (Henny Youngman)

* Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon.

* This is too much reality for a Friday.

* Ever since I've become unemployed Fridays are just Mondays but with more drunk people.

----------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!

Flash! Honolulu magazine has an astounding piece about astounding Honolulu facts!

Charles Memminger — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 19:22:22 +0000

Do you know who the first person to jump off a Makapuu cliff with a kite was?

Where "Mr. Pipeline" Gerry Lopez caught his first wave?

How many hookers are in Honolulu?

Honolulu's most tattooed person?

Pick up the Feb. issue of Honolulu magazine and you'll find out all that and more. The cover article is about "Astounding Honolulu" .. 54 mind-boggling facts about Honolulu you might not know. It was written by a dynamic, handsome and ... well, I wrote it. Honolulu magazine editors have been good enough to give me a number of assignments over the past several months. This is the first piece I've done for them that graces the cover. I hope it is as fun to read as it was to write it. It was amazing to learn that Honolulu is even more bizarre than Charleyworld.

----------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!

New iPad tablet computer gives nod to old geezers with fat fingers

Charles Memminger — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:59:32 +0000

Thank God that Apple Chief Executive Steve Jobs is getting old. The shrinking of all these computer/phone devices from iPods to iPhones to iOtas to iNoseeums was ridiculous. A guy showed me his new iPhone the other day and I had to take out my Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass to finally locate it hidden within the folds of his hand.

Steve Jobs apparently has realized that these tiny electronic devices are no good to old geezers like me with chubby fingers. I tried out a phone in Verizon with a key pad and I couldn't hit fewer than five letters at one time with my index finger. Jobs also figured out that our eyesight isn't up to the minuscule micro processors. Everyone I hang out with needs reading glasses just to find their beer mug.

So many people like me were happy when Jobs today introduced the latest Apple product: the iPad, a "tablet" that resembles an oversized iPod Touch. Good on' em!

The $500 price tags seems reasonable for all the iPad does (the keyboard is built into the touch screen) but I'm not going to rush out an get one right away. I want to see where the inflating of computer devices will lead. Perhaps a larger version of the iPad will come out, something the size of a brief case or garage door. They could call it the iStonehenge.

----------------------------------------------------

E-mail Charles Memminger at cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

------------------------

------------------------------

Tweet Charley on Twitter at @CharleyMemm

------------------------------------

Click here to visit Charley's Facebook Page.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get Charley's Book by clicking here: "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!"

-------------------------------------------------

Remember to GET LIFE ON!